So according to a few of the guys (who are actually better at keeping up with their blog than myself) blogging and emotions go hand-in-hand. So before I have you running the opposite way with your arms waving in the air, my blog is going to be minimal girl emotions as possible. I just need to talk just this once :). I'm probably typing for my own health anyway..so might as well get a few things out, yes?
So here we go...
The Past;
I seem to dwell on things that have already taken course. Not that I'm some psycho that holds everybody accountible for what they've done or said..I just like to remember things. But lately I can't seem to remember anything. Too much time is going by and things are beginning to blur. Which means it's time for something new and exciting..
Which brings me to the Present;
I don't go to school, I don't work and I don't have friends.
I don't go to school because I took the year off to travel. I took the year off to get a better understanding of myself and my thoughts. In some cliché way I was "finding myself."
I don't work because I only do seasonal jobs..so I can travel!! I have a job every summer and every winter. I'm not a bum :(
And I don't have any friends because I don't go to school and I don't work.
So I have a pretty basic understanding on why things in "the present" suck.
The Future;
I would just like to say that I am probably going to die alone. And in some sick way I've learning to live with that. So since that is out of the way, it makes my next few decisions a bit difficult.
I have to choose a major, a college, and a location that leads me onto the path of the rest of my life. Since I'm doomed to a people repellent life it scares me to have to make a decision that determines my happiness forever. One wrong move and I could be calling numbers out at a pharmacy for the next 60 years.
Ugh I feel like I'm hard to understand and I'm not quite sure if any of that was comprehendable. But who actually reads my junk anyway?
I'm telling you I repel people and hey! that's okay, I can live with that.
But I would just like to add, that I do feel better for getting that out in the open :) thank you blog.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Farewell Wisdom Teeth
"I'm worried im going to have some sort of freak ressistance to the gas the dentist will use to put me asleep. Why can't my teeth live happily every after?"
That is the last thing I wrote in my journal before being called back for surgery.
"How are you today Miss Holland?" my nurse asked as she lead me around the curved hallway. We passed a small room where my sister was on an oversized chair lying motionless with a stranger hunched over her digging at her teeth. I swallowed loudly, "I'm a little nervous."
That was a lie. I was terrified.
The nurse had me sit in an identical chair I just saw my sister in and leaned me back until i was laying horizontal with the ceiling. I focused intently on the TV screen hanging above me. She reached around me and place a rubber cup on my nose. "This should block out any sense of pain," she said. A metallic odor filled my nostrils accompanied by panic. Did she just say should? She turned the nozzel on the gas tank and left me alone in the room.
The edges around the TV began to blur and my tense body began to relax. "How are you Chelsea?" she asked coming back to my side. "I can't move," I said quite sleepily.
The next few sentences were blurred together with the sound of concern. My mind began to race. If my nurse was concerned, I should most definitely be concerned as well. Instinctively, I tried to raise my arms to remove the rubber mask from my face...but I couldn't. My limbs were suddenly numb and motionless.
What went wrong? I asked myself.
Did she turn the gas on too high? Will I ever wake from this sleepy state?
Then I realize exactly what was wrong...I was turning to stone.
My arms and legs were so heavy I couldn't even manage a wiggle. My breathing was slowing down. And just like that my cheeks were too heavy for my face. I felt them slide past my ears with an unbearable pressure.
Maybe, I began to think, I can muster up enough strength to fall to the floor and rip the mask off. But before I could think twice about it the edges around the TV began to sharpen. "You're all finished Chelsea, you did beautifully," a familiar man said to me. I felt a shot of mobility spread throughout my body as I was being sat up. By the time I was to my feet and out the door all of my senses were back.
So now I'm sitting in my room with major pain in the mouth region, while my sister is down stairs singing to Alicia Keys because her operation was ten times more simple than my own.
Because my wisdom teeth were laying down on their sides, where as her's were straight up and down.
So I would just like to say while every one is sound asleep at home, thank you're lucky stars you didn't turn to stone today.
FIN.
That is the last thing I wrote in my journal before being called back for surgery.
"How are you today Miss Holland?" my nurse asked as she lead me around the curved hallway. We passed a small room where my sister was on an oversized chair lying motionless with a stranger hunched over her digging at her teeth. I swallowed loudly, "I'm a little nervous."
That was a lie. I was terrified.
The nurse had me sit in an identical chair I just saw my sister in and leaned me back until i was laying horizontal with the ceiling. I focused intently on the TV screen hanging above me. She reached around me and place a rubber cup on my nose. "This should block out any sense of pain," she said. A metallic odor filled my nostrils accompanied by panic. Did she just say should? She turned the nozzel on the gas tank and left me alone in the room.
The edges around the TV began to blur and my tense body began to relax. "How are you Chelsea?" she asked coming back to my side. "I can't move," I said quite sleepily.
The next few sentences were blurred together with the sound of concern. My mind began to race. If my nurse was concerned, I should most definitely be concerned as well. Instinctively, I tried to raise my arms to remove the rubber mask from my face...but I couldn't. My limbs were suddenly numb and motionless.
What went wrong? I asked myself.
Did she turn the gas on too high? Will I ever wake from this sleepy state?
Then I realize exactly what was wrong...I was turning to stone.
My arms and legs were so heavy I couldn't even manage a wiggle. My breathing was slowing down. And just like that my cheeks were too heavy for my face. I felt them slide past my ears with an unbearable pressure.
Maybe, I began to think, I can muster up enough strength to fall to the floor and rip the mask off. But before I could think twice about it the edges around the TV began to sharpen. "You're all finished Chelsea, you did beautifully," a familiar man said to me. I felt a shot of mobility spread throughout my body as I was being sat up. By the time I was to my feet and out the door all of my senses were back.
So now I'm sitting in my room with major pain in the mouth region, while my sister is down stairs singing to Alicia Keys because her operation was ten times more simple than my own.
Because my wisdom teeth were laying down on their sides, where as her's were straight up and down. So I would just like to say while every one is sound asleep at home, thank you're lucky stars you didn't turn to stone today.
FIN.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Intro to Blogging 101
Niche: an interest in or a special skill, talent, or aptitude
When asked "how to blog" most blogging professionals answer to those by saying "find a niche." (Yes I actually googled 'How to create a successful blog') You see, I am new to the blogging community and im having a bit of a rough time kicking this off.
And im not going to lie, this being difficult is kindof intimidating.
Not that I fear being a horrible blogger or anything, just the thought of me not having a "niche" is kind of scary. I mean, is not having a niche comparable to not having a life?!
Okay, maybe it isn't that extreme, but still coming up blank when asked to write about what you're good at...not a good sign. But maybe it's not meant to be easy for some of us. Maybe we're meant to dig a little for niches and knacks and long lost talents. Maybe I haven't even tried what im meant to be good at yet. Or maybe blogging without a niche is my niche...
Only time will tell.
When asked "how to blog" most blogging professionals answer to those by saying "find a niche." (Yes I actually googled 'How to create a successful blog') You see, I am new to the blogging community and im having a bit of a rough time kicking this off.
And im not going to lie, this being difficult is kindof intimidating.
Not that I fear being a horrible blogger or anything, just the thought of me not having a "niche" is kind of scary. I mean, is not having a niche comparable to not having a life?!
Okay, maybe it isn't that extreme, but still coming up blank when asked to write about what you're good at...not a good sign. But maybe it's not meant to be easy for some of us. Maybe we're meant to dig a little for niches and knacks and long lost talents. Maybe I haven't even tried what im meant to be good at yet. Or maybe blogging without a niche is my niche...
Only time will tell.
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